If you haven’t figured it out by now, I didn’t get that job I was so excited about in the post from a few weeks ago. After two follow-up phone calls and a few emails and standing outside the office window holding a boombox over my head cranking Survivor’s Burning Heart from the Rocky IV soundtrack, I finally received a rejection letter in the mail. I knew I should’ve went with a cut from the Bloodsport soundtrack. Damn.
But here I am, still plugging away at what I do best –
drinking working freelance from home. I’ve got my fingers in a couple of pies and I’ve actually had a legitimate job offer. A real, honest-to-goodness job offer. But there are some extenuating circumstances that are preventing me from making my decision on whether or not I should take it. It’s a tough one… but I need a real job. So… I need to do what’s best for me and the wife, you know? Zzzzz….
SNOOZEFEST! Let’s pick this up a lil’ bit, eh?
I haven’t swam yet this summer. Gone swimming? Swum? I’m going with “gone swimming.” I haven’t gone swimming yet this summer. I’m a little upset about that. Hey, don’t any of you people have a pool or have access to a community pool? Why don’t you invite me over. I’ll bring hamburgers or something. You grill while I swim. Deal? We have a community pool in my neighborhood, but it’s too damn expensive for my blood, what with the mortgage and the COBRA insurance.
Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you all about the COBRA bullshizzz! Remember how the wife was let go by the county school system because of the budget crisis? We’ve been on her medical insurance. And it came in handy, what with the cancer and all. [Oh, I didn't tell you about the cancer? Well too bad, I'm not going to now. It may be the subject of a future post, though. But don't get your hopes up.] So where was I? Oh, yes – COBRA. Let me just throw this number out there:
Per month. For both of us. $866. There simply is no way we can afford that along with everything else. So guess who has two thumbs and is forfeiting his insurance for the next few months? That’s right. We’ll pay for her insurance, because she needs it. But heaven forbid I break my ankle or slip in the shower or run into a tree (either with or without a car) or cut my thumb clean off on a jagged soup can lid.
Who can afford $866 per month? That’s like, 3 iPhones! Or the top model iPad! And I’d rather have a new iPad than some stupid insurance that I MIGHT need. Besides, I’ll just wear a helmet and make sure I watch where I’m going so I don’t fall or something. It shouldn’t be too hard to stay healthy. But all the sitting around and not running into trees will probably make me fat(ter).
But as I said before, I have a job offer. In 90 days from the start of that job, my insurance will kick in. Hopefully, the wife will be teaching full time by then, too. Then we’d just go back on her insurance. It’s only the next few months that will be difficult. We’ll get through it and survive just like we’ve survived everything else.
But seriously, people. Who is going to invite me over for a swim? I apologize in advance for a) moobs and b) blinding farmer’s tan.