MattOnFire

~~BOOOOOOOOOOOOM~~

Cat [jolted from a deep sleep on my pile of clean clothes]: What in the eff was that?

Me [making a sandwich (as usual)]: I…  I don’t know. Did a transformer blow?

Dog [feverishly tap dancing with his dog-toenails across the hardwood floor and trying to hide under the couch]: HIDE! OH MY GOD! EVERYBODY HIDE!

Me: Calm down, sissypants.

Cat: Aw, man! I was dreaming about looking out the window.

Dog: [whimper whimper whimper] GET UNDER THE COUCH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! [whimper whimper]

Me: I think a transfor…

~~KABOOOOOM~~

Cat: Oh hell no. What is going on, here?

Dog: [whispering] Dear baby dog Jesus, please make it stop. Make it stop.

Me: Maybe someone dropped something really heavy off a roof or something. Or a truck is backfiring.

Cat: Yeah right. It ain’t no damn truck. It’s a plane breaking the sound barrier.

Me: That makes sense, actually. It very well could be.

Dog: I don’t care what it is, just MAKE IT STOP.

~~smaller BOOOOM~~

Cat: Did you hear that one?

Dog: I heard it! I’m a dog. I can hear lots of stuff.

Me: Weird.

-LATER-

~~skippiddyBOOMBOOM~~

Me [watching Dr. Phil. I mean doing work]: Here we go again.

Dog: HIDE! EVERYBODY UNDER THE COUCH!

~~POPPPP~~BANG~~

Cat [sprinting downstairs like he's running from a Chinese chef, then pretending to walk calmly when he sees me looking at him]: Oh, hey. What’s going on, fellas?

Dog: LOUD NOISES! UNDER THE COUCH!

Me: I don’t think that’s a plane.

Cat: Me, neither. Welp, if you need me, I’ll be upstairs tearing up the shower curtain.

-LATER-

News: ... a series of loud bangs in Chesterfield County has residents on edge. We checked with the people who fly planes, and they weren’t flying planes. We checked with the people who make loud noises, and they weren’t making loud noises. We checked with the people who make power, and they didn’t have any transformers blow. So, basically, we don’t know what the hell caused the sounds.

Dog: There’s only one possible explanation here.

Me: Oh?

Dog: Aliens.

Cat: … BAAAAHHHHHH HAHAHAHA.

Dog: I’m serious. Aliens were breaking into our atmosphere and making loud explosion noises. They’re undetectable by radar, you know.

Me: I suppose it’s possible, but I think it was just some kids playing with homemade pipe bombs or something.

Dog: I swear to everything holy, if I hear another loud noise, I cannot be responsible for the damage caused to your coffee table or the pee that trickles onto the carpet.

-A LITTLE BIT LATER-

Me [blowing into a paper bag and twisting it off, sneaking up to the sleeping dog and cat, then popping the bag]: ~~BANNNGGGG~~

Cat: [springs awake and runs up the curtains] AHHH! ALIENS!

Dog: [Slowly opens his eyes, looks at me, then closes them again] Nice try, numbnuts.