MattOnFire

Me: Hi. I’d like to buy this classic hot rod calendar for my father in-law.
Clerk: Okay. That’ll be $8. Credit or debit?
Me: Debit. [SWWWIIIIPPPEE]
Clerk: Your card was declined.
Me: Huh? Nuh-uh. [SWWWIPPPEEE again]
Clerk: Declined.
Me: Shut the front door.
Clerk: Fo’ realz.
Me: Crap.

—10 minutes later—

Ring ring. Ring ring
Bank lady: What up. This is the bank. What’s your beef?
Me: My card was declined. What’s up with that?
Bank lady: You’re overdrawn $8,148.00.
Me: No way! Why?
Bank lady: Because you made a big overdraw.
Me: No I didn’t.
Bank lady: Yes you did.
Me: No I didn’t.
Bank lady: Yes you did.
Me: Ummm… No I didn’t.
Bank lady: Really?
Me: Really. I didn’t. I swear.
Bank lady: Hmph. Says here you did.
Me: C’mon! I didn’t!
Bank lady: Alright. Let me see what’s goin’ on here.

—10 minutes of being on hold—

Bank lady: Who’s this?
Me: It’s me. The guy with the $8,000 overdraft?
Bank lady: Oh, you’re still here?
Me: Yup. Still here.
Bank lady: Our bad. We effed up. You’re account is all golden now.
Me: So I can resume my holiday shopping?
Bank lady: I don’t care what you do.
Me: Cool. Peace out. Hope you have a nice Christmas.
Bank lady: Honey, I live in India. Everyday is Christmas.
Me: What does that even mean?
Bank lady: [hangs up]

—30 minutes later—

Me: I’d like to buy this sweet hot rod calendar.
Clerk: Debit or credit?
Me: Debit. [SWWWIIIPPPPEEE]
Clerk: Here you go. Have a nice Christmas.
Me: Honey, I live in America. Everyday is Christmas.